11/25/2022: 3.30 Miles
Hooo boy, am I in a pickle now! After several delays and hiatuses caused by a variety of other creative pursuits, responsibilities, mood swings and a general inability to wake up at a timely hour, I’m finally back to write for the blog. The problem is, this run happened a long time ago and now I don’t know how to write about it! What a crisis! Is the website doomed? Is this how the black death started? Okay no, that happened 648 years before blogs were invented. Phew.
Okay, okay, calm down. It’s fine, probably no one even noticed that I was gone… Or they wouldn’t have if I didn’t spend the first two paragraphs acknowledging that I haven’t posted anything on here for a week. Dang it! Oh well, I can work with this. I spent most of college writing about runs that I couldn’t remember on LogARun, and before you ask, yes, that was a much higher priority for me than studying book or whatever. Oh, LogARun. You never advanced past the technology of 2006, but you advanced our patience and our value of community so very much by taking two minutes to load the team page and only being user-friendly enough to get a comment posted on one of my logs about once a month.
Okay, that settles it. In honor of logarun.com, I’m going to bullshit my way through a description of my run last Friday!
Today, I ran to a place. I think it was a urban place that I brought my disgraced face to, but it felt more like I was in outer space. (LogARun Tip #1: Distract the reader from the fact that you’re lacking essential information about your run by playing with nonsensical puns, tongue twisters or alliteration; they’ll be so entertained by the fact that you’re in a wacky silly mood that they’ll forget all about how you’ve said nothing about your run!) When I was running down the street, I saw a photo-realistic Homer Simpson impersonator who was trying to slime me with a tennis racket. (LogARun Tip #2: To fill in some details of what you did or saw on the run, play mad libs with a very basic sentence. The crazier you can make your story, the more likely that this, and not the question of what you actually did on your run, will be what people leave comments on your post for! And you want those LogARun comments. Oh baby, do you want those comments.) Anyway, it was a pretty okay run I guess. Tim’s slimily signing off. (LogARun Tip #3: Your classic closing catchphrase compounded with a fun adverb is essentially your seal of authenticity. Never forget it, because if you do, people will begin to doubt your quality content, they’ll find nitpicks, and then the hordes of readers will rise up against you. But don’t worry, I would never manipulate my blog audience with fraudulent tricks like that!)
Anyway, Tim’s sneakily still running.
I miss LogARun 🥲